Is Marraige Everything I Dreamed?
When I was single, I wanted nothing more than to be married. I always felt like my true calling was to be a wife and a mom, so nothing made sense to me without being married. I just assumed that I would go to college and get married right after.
I mean, that’s a good thing right? Getting married young is a good thing, right? So I didn’t understand why it kept getting delayed. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Christi – you got married when you were 24. I wouldn’t exactly call that a delayed marriage.
That’s true. I idolized marriage. That was the endgame for me. Not only that, I wanted to (and still do, really) have a lot of kids. Here I am at 27 with no plans to have children yet, and my dream of having 6 kids is starting to look less likely.
I didn’t realize how much I idolized marriage until I went through a breakup. After that breakup, I was devastated. I thought my world had ended. I was jealous of my friends in relationships. Anytime someone got engaged, I unfollowed them. I had friends struggling with infertility and I would think to myself, “I don’t understand why you’re so upset about this. At least you have someone to love you. I don’t even have that.”
I think for me, I needed that. I needed God to crush that idol in my life. And I needed it to happen exactly the way it did to learn the lesson that I needed to learn. That breakup was actually the source of a lot of change and growth in my life.
And the same goes for marriage. Is marriage everything I dreamed? No, it’s not. Before you get all worried about my marriage let me tell you what a wonderful man my husband is and why I am so glad to be married to him.
But the truth is, my dream did not come true. And the reason I’m talking about it is because I think a lot of girls have the same or similar dreams that I did. So is marriage everything I dreamed?
So is marriage everything I dreamed?
Now I can only speak of my experience. I didn’t have a dating relationship that lasted over 6 months. They either ended or in the case of my husband, we got engaged before we reached the 6 month mark.
So I have to admit that I’m sure a longterm relationship may be different. But I know a lot of people who have short term relationships. I also know a lot of people who have longterm relationships and have told me they felt the same way.
Number 1 I thought every night would be pure ecstacy. I’ve used this illustration before – dating is concentrated. But it’s also sort of like a vacation. I thought marriage would be easier than single life because at least I would have someone to love me. I couldn’t imagine getting annoyed with my husband. I thought we would be unified on every topic and in every discussion. When I read chapters in books on conflict resolution I thought well, we don’t need that we aren’t going to have conflict. I mean, not really. I thought we would have amazing, engaging conversation every day. I thought sex would be easy.
Above all, I thought I wouldn’t be lonely ever again. I didn’t have the mental capacity to understand loneliness in marriage. I honestly thought that when people said they experienced loneliness in marriage that something was wrong with them. I thought I would get a mature version of my spouse. I got my expectations from men who are older than him, have theology degrees… write books… so I didn’t give him grace.
The first thing I learned when I got married is that I am one STRONG personality. I don’t think about my words. And I certainly didn’t think that MY words would be offensive to my husband because he loves me, so he will understand me completely! I am not kind.
Surprising Realities of Marriage
I am challenged. It makes me stronger in my faith, and it makes me know why I believe what I believe
I am sanctified. I am deeply selfish and I can’t hide from it.
I am more understanding. My husband is different than me in a lot of ways, and my husband’s family is different than me. There is no room for being judgmental.
I have to lean on God’s strength to love my husband.
I have a better understanding of love. Real love. Complete love.
And that’s amazing.
Check out Paul Tripp’s book What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage
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