Today’s episode is going to be more like a journal entry. It’s going to be personal. The purpose of my podcast is to be honest, & real, and to you that you aren’t alone. That’s what I hope to do today. This is a real-time look into my life at this moment, at this stage. It will be a sort of time-capsule in the timeline of discovering my calling.
Finding my calling has been a constant battle. In my first episode called “The Story Behind the Podcast” I told you guys that I feel like discovering myself has been like pulling back the layers of an onion. When I got to my core, I didn’t like what I saw. I am still trying to figure out “who is Christi Johnson?”
Today I’m re-ordering my priorities. I’m figuring out, “who does Christi Johnson want to be?” What do I want my priorities to look like? I’m talking specifically in reference to my business. Where do I want my business to be on my list of priortieis? You see, every time I focus on my business excessively it leaves me feeling empty. Every time I order my priorities, it ends up at the bottom, and yet I still keep working on it. I wonder if my focus is off.
So in the spirit of self-analysis, let’s analyze my callings:
- Child of God
- Daughter, sister
- Church member
And those are actually the correct order I think they should be in, more or less. Maybe church should be above my friends – I don’t know. But let’s see if how I spend a typical day actually stacks up to those priorities.
Let’s analyze how I spend a typical day.
- Wake up
- Scroll on IG/FB/check emails
- Start quiet time… get distracted
- Realize it’s lunch time and I haven’t planned anything
- Leave the dishes in the sink
- Realize it’s dinner time and feel overwhelmed bc there’s so many dishes and I don’t know what to do
- Eat dinner
- Leave the dishes in the sink
- Spend time with husband
- Scroll in IG/FB/check emails
My business is overtaking everything. And so is my entertainment. Something that I don’t even consider a priority. In my life I’m not playing piano much, and I don’t spend as much time with my family or friends as I want to. I also am not doing enough to encourage my husband.
One thing I also want is I want to be a mom. I want freedom in my business. I’m building my business with the time I have so that eventually it can run itself. And that’s a good thing. I also view my business as one of my callings to help people – to love my neighbor and to care for others. So I know it’s a good thing. But I wonder if I am spending too much time on it.
Let’s look at a passage of Scripture I was reading recently:
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin,[c] he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.
I feel backwards. And I get so wrapped up in myself. This is why I honestly think the whole be a successful CEO/be a good wife/mom thing is a lie. I know that’s an unpopular opinion. But how can you? There aren’t enough hours in the day! If you have found the secret and you’ve figured it out, let me know.
I think the key here is answering the question, “What is success to me?” If I were single, it’d be a different story. But even I were single the fact remains that my life is NOT about me. My life should be ultimately about loving God and serving others.
So what do I want? I don’t want to be enslaved to my phone anymore. I don’t want to be enslaved to my business anymore. Oh, I’ll still do it, but I want it to be in its proper place. I want to set appropriate boundaries.
I still remember a sermon from my college days that has stuck with me. It’s called “Ingratitude is a wicked sin” Dr. Crockett. He gave an illustration about putting the big rocks in your life in the jar first and then putting the gravel and sand in later. In other words, focus on what’s most important, and the rest will follow later.
So what do I want?
- Time with God
- Time for reflection
- Time for exercise
- Time for keeping the home
- Time for helping my husband
- Time for encouraging others
- Time for using my gifts in the church
- Time for creating and sharing music
- Time for helping others
With my business, I do help others. And I love that. I believe it is a calling of mine. But I have to define success the way God does it, not the way the culture does. I don’t need to look at the girl beside me to measure my success. I need to look at the Scriptures.
Let me be clear. I am not telling you how to live your life.If you’re a mom and a business-owner or you work outside the home, good for you. Our callings are different. I’m only speaking from personal experience. All that I would ask is that you think about your callings and your priorities, and think about how they line up with God’s definition of success.
I am going to make a change, and I’d love to invite you to come along with me. If you want to make a change in your life and re-orient your priorities, comment below how you plan to do it? And how can I support you? Let’s be better together through the power of the Holy Spirit.
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