I experience an overwhelming desire to talk about things. To get them out in the open. But talking about it doesn’t seem to be enough. I don’t feel settled until I share it with someone. When I moved to California last year, I realized that I’m a verbal processor! I hadn’t put it into words because I always had so many friends to talk about things with, so I didn’t realize anything was missing until I moved to California and didn’t have any friends around me. One night, at 3AM, I had a revelation that it was time for me to start a podcast. I wrote down 80 episode ideas. I was on a roll!
But then, I started to doubt myself. I started to feel afraid, weak, scared. I thought, “who am I to share all these things to the world? What do I know? What do I even believe?” You see, so much of what I knew was changing. I wasn’t even sure of my identity anymore. I spent my whole life hiding behind the things I did: photography, piano teaching, music ensembles, swim coaching. Then, when I got married and let go of a lot of that, I put my identity in my friends and family. But moving to a new place shook me up. I realized I didn’t know who I was anymore. What I found in that dark hole was a lot of pride, anger, frustration, anxiety, worry, and fear.
In that place of fear I lost joy. I became depressed, lazy, unmotivated, and irritable. I started to distract myself with entertainment and media. I felt so weak. But when the COVID-19 pandemic started, and I lost all my work and I was forced to live with the quiet, I realized God has been trying to get my attention all along. He was saying to me, “wake up Christi!!! Stop being so afraid!! Let me strengthen you!!”
Something has awakened in me and I realized that I do have something to say. I do believe in something. Maybe my overwhelming desire to share things just means I was meant to create and share. And I’m ready to share with the world what God is doing in my life. My hope with this podcast is that the things I say will be relatable, they’ll be honest, they’ll be encouraging, and they’ll point you to Jesus.
Visit my website at www.christijohnsoncreative.com
Follow me on Instagram at www.instagram.com/christijohnsoncreative
Intro/Outro Music:
Almost Bliss by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/5032-almost-bliss
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
